Says the man who created Tyler Durden – and became him. He says it to Marla Singer.
For Marla, it must have been special to meet «Tyler.» We know she became strongly attached to him. She loved him.
If you meet a Marla – or an enthusiastic and exuberant John – perhaps «at a very strange» point in your life where you are particularly open to new impulses, and what many call chemistry arises, the path may be laid for strong inspiration. It can lead to long, intense conversations, it can lead to bursts of laughter, it can lead to shared fantasies and dreams – it can lead to sex (if that is relevant), it can lead to bonds, it can lead to loyalty.
Marla or John inspired you back then – in the now – that is a fact. That is what you focus on. That is the overarching focus.
Let us say that Marla or John regularly tells you how extraordinary you are, how brilliant you are, how hyper-intelligent you are, how utterly charming and charismatic you are, how warm you are. Well, then you become happy. Perhaps even delighted. Especially since it comes from a person you have come to value greatly.
Time passes and the praise continues. Marla or John strongly contributes to giving you maximum happiness in the now. You feel an inspiration. You feel a warmth.
Let us say that, despite all the above, the relationship fades and contact is reduced to no contact. Then a few years pass, and you hear that Marla or John speaks derogatorily about you. In the present tense. But that they also did so back when they told you how fantastic you were, behind your back. Is that disheartening?
Overarching answer: No, because it is not relevant in a «maximum happiness at all times» perspective.
When Marla or John praised you to the skies back then, showed their affection, it gave you joy there and then. You did not know at the time that Marla or John was false in the way that he or she said other, less positive things about you to others. Perhaps Marla or John was ambivalent towards you. Perhaps they lied here or there. But does that matter to you? I assume that all the praise from them would have fallen to the ground if you had perceived it as completely unreasonable in relation to reality, as you yourself saw it. You accepted the praise because you at least considered it not entirely unearned. That you now hear that Marla or John calls you a fool or a bighead or a rascal, you do not spend time on in the now of now. Marla or John inspired you back then – in the now – that is a fact. That is what you focus on.
That is the overarching focus.
(This text was published on frankbenjaminhartvedt.no in 2025, updated in 2026)